HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
New York Yankee fans paid ticket scalpers $20,000 a seat to watch Game Six Wednesday. The bonus checks cleared. If a bomb had fallen on that stadium every investment banker in New York would have been killed, for the second time in one year.
ABC's series "V" premiered Tuesday about a charismatic leader who comes from nowhere to charm American voters. He turns out to be a totalitarian space lizard who intends to eat them. Halfway through lunch the lizard dies belly-up from E. coli and swine flu.
USA Today reported Monday on all the new office etiquette due to the threat of swine flu spread. Rather than shaking hands, people are patting fists or touching elbows or bumping hips. At ESPN, normal office activity has been replaced by phone sex.
House Democrats said the health care reform bill is bogged down over the issues of abortion coverage, illegal immigration and how to pay for it. These are unsolvable problems. They can't even agree whether Jerusalem should be the capital of health care.
White House adviser David Axelrod was interviewed by Bob Schieffer on CBS News' "Face the Nation" Sunday. He explained why President Obama hasn't yet made the decision on the war in Afghanistan, solved the vaccine shortage or fixed the economy. When he came into office he inherited an addiction to golf from the previous administration.
The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition published research Thursday showing that women who drink moderate amounts of wine have healthier blood vessels. Wine works two ways for women. It raises their good cholesterol and lowers their standards.
David Hasselhoff will do a reality show with his two daughters that focuses on his binge drinking at home. Picture the suspense. At the end of every episode he threatens to cut the girls out of the will if they don't tell him where they hid the car keys.
Shaquille O'Neal made his debut as a Cleveland Cavalier in Cleveland this past week. He also applied to be a deputy sheriff. How can the government say there's no inflation when a man making $30 million a year is forced to work two jobs?
Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson were in China this week to play in a World Golf Championship tournament at a golf club in Shanghai. Chinese officials were anxious to meet with them. They hold trillions of dollars in shaky U.S. bonds and so does China.
Australia opened an 800-mile-long golf course Monday that runs along the country's south coast. The course is a par 14,000. Now that the stimulus bill is subsidizing golf carts, there's nothing left to restrain Republicans.
Andre Agassi credited his first wife Brooke Shields for helping him to achieve self-acceptance. They stay in touch. Late last night Shields woke up and reached over and ran her fingers through Andre's hair, and decided to give him a call.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg won a third term Tuesday by spending $100 million of his own money. He spent $35,000 an hour for a $1-a-year job. That's how much people like to have good seats at the Yankees game.
The Congressional Black Caucus said black members are being targeted for ethics probes. If Republicans are in charge they can't investigate because it'll look racist, but with Democrats in charge they must investigate or they look soft on crime. The Congressional Black Caucus just asked Newt Gingrich if he'd like to be Speaker again.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
Paying the price
- Opinion
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Outhouse enthusiast’s hobby more than a relief
Editor’s note: This previously-published column has been a reader favorite and is one of the most requested columns....
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Homosexuals must convince themselves, God
Editor, The Transcript: I am not one of those in favor of same-sex anything. According to the Bible, homesexuality is a sin. Now maybe there is a new Bible out there — the homosexual Bible. I will check at Barnes & Noble....
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Occupy movement built on principle
Editor, The Transcript: We the People Stand Tall! Bruce Kessler ends his letter to the editor “We the people must stand up — 8 May, 2012,” with a strong message: We the people — the very words that begin our Constitution — must work ...
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Parents proud of two schools’ rankings
Editor, The Transcript: Norman parents are justifiably proud that U.S. News and World Report recently ranked Norman High School as No. 6 in our state and No. 862 in the nation and Norman North as No. 9 in the state and 1,096 in the nation ...
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Reducing state rates would be of minor help
Editor, The Transcript: A Transcript editorial (May 22), in discussing the proposed reduction in income tax rates in HB 3061, states that the “trigger” mechanism is a good thing, citing the rate cut from 5.5 to 5.25 because of the 4 ...
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Sykes trying to secure seat
Editor, The Transcript: By the time this reaches you, the issues surrounding HB 2440 may have been laid to rest. Based on your article of this date, let me make these observations....
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Fallin proposes a flawed tax-cut plan
There was some relief in the tax-cut proposal negotiated with Gov. Mary Fallin and Republican legislative leaders, but it still calls for some difficult reductions to some necessary services....
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Corporate deception rules
Editor, The Transcript: Jamie Dimon, JP Morgan Chase’s chief executive, said he does not know how the bank lost $3 billion (originally estimated at $2 billion) in a trading scheme. He called the trades “sloppy” and “stupid” but could not ...
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What features create a cultural center?
The question has been raised whether an aquatic center somehow constitutes a cultural center. Although the more thorough response would be to ask, in turn, what features create a cultural center, this short treatise will simply focus on ...
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Keep the capitol gun-free
Attorneys working for the state AG’s office are now able to carry handguns in their duties representing state agencies. They won’t need a concealed weapon permit. It’s the same as laws allowing U.S. attorneys, district attorneys and their ...
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Outhouse enthusiast’s hobby more than a relief
