HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
New York Yankee fans paid ticket scalpers $20,000 a seat to watch Game Six Wednesday. The bonus checks cleared. If a bomb had fallen on that stadium every investment banker in New York would have been killed, for the second time in one year.
ABC's series "V" premiered Tuesday about a charismatic leader who comes from nowhere to charm American voters. He turns out to be a totalitarian space lizard who intends to eat them. Halfway through lunch the lizard dies belly-up from E. coli and swine flu.
USA Today reported Monday on all the new office etiquette due to the threat of swine flu spread. Rather than shaking hands, people are patting fists or touching elbows or bumping hips. At ESPN, normal office activity has been replaced by phone sex.
House Democrats said the health care reform bill is bogged down over the issues of abortion coverage, illegal immigration and how to pay for it. These are unsolvable problems. They can't even agree whether Jerusalem should be the capital of health care.
White House adviser David Axelrod was interviewed by Bob Schieffer on CBS News' "Face the Nation" Sunday. He explained why President Obama hasn't yet made the decision on the war in Afghanistan, solved the vaccine shortage or fixed the economy. When he came into office he inherited an addiction to golf from the previous administration.
The American Journal of Clinical Nutrition published research Thursday showing that women who drink moderate amounts of wine have healthier blood vessels. Wine works two ways for women. It raises their good cholesterol and lowers their standards.
David Hasselhoff will do a reality show with his two daughters that focuses on his binge drinking at home. Picture the suspense. At the end of every episode he threatens to cut the girls out of the will if they don't tell him where they hid the car keys.
Shaquille O'Neal made his debut as a Cleveland Cavalier in Cleveland this past week. He also applied to be a deputy sheriff. How can the government say there's no inflation when a man making $30 million a year is forced to work two jobs?
Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson were in China this week to play in a World Golf Championship tournament at a golf club in Shanghai. Chinese officials were anxious to meet with them. They hold trillions of dollars in shaky U.S. bonds and so does China.
Australia opened an 800-mile-long golf course Monday that runs along the country's south coast. The course is a par 14,000. Now that the stimulus bill is subsidizing golf carts, there's nothing left to restrain Republicans.
Andre Agassi credited his first wife Brooke Shields for helping him to achieve self-acceptance. They stay in touch. Late last night Shields woke up and reached over and ran her fingers through Andre's hair, and decided to give him a call.
New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg won a third term Tuesday by spending $100 million of his own money. He spent $35,000 an hour for a $1-a-year job. That's how much people like to have good seats at the Yankees game.
The Congressional Black Caucus said black members are being targeted for ethics probes. If Republicans are in charge they can't investigate because it'll look racist, but with Democrats in charge they must investigate or they look soft on crime. The Congressional Black Caucus just asked Newt Gingrich if he'd like to be Speaker again.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
Paying the price
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
Editor, The Transcript A new library on the west side? With hardly any books? With a dumb name above the entry as shown in your rendering? Infoplace? The library bureaucracy must think Norman voters just fell off the turnip truck....
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Show them some love
Oklahoma joins bus drivers and riders throughout the nation in the “Love the Bus” campaign to raise awareness and appreciation for the thousands of school bus drivers and aides who safely transport children to and from school each day....
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Eliminating state taxes places burden on poor
Editor, The Transcript: Your editorial on Feb. 8th that expressed your pleasure that the bill by Jim Wilson that would have removed the sales tax exemptions from newspapers was killed in committee was disconcerting. I can agree that the ...
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Not time to experiment with state taxes
Editor, The Transcript Governor Fallin proposed more cuts to the state income tax in her State of the State speech Feb. 6. This comes on the heels of a House Tax Reform Task Force that also proposed phasing out the state income tax over a ...
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Cuts in mental health short-sighted at best
When state budgets tightened up three legislative sessions ago, mental health and substance abuse treatment appropriations amounted to low-hanging fruit. It was easy for lawmakers to reduce treatment for mental health consumers and ...
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Local investment is better for Norman
Editor, The Transcript Americans from all walks of life and political ideologies are asserting their voice to tell Wall Street “Enough is enough!” Occupy Norman members spoke at the Dec. 13 Norman City Council meeting, urging the city to ...
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Decline in unions harmful to economy
Editor, The Transcript Remember sometimes you get what your ask for? Let’s see, what could that be? I know, destroy those evil unions which are compromised of the middle class....
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Tobacco ban comes as shock
Gov. Mary Fallin’s State of the State contained few surprises. The tobacco ban, however, came as a total shock to many legislators and state agency heads. “It was a surprise,” the governor told state press association members this week at ...
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‘Flavor of the month’
State Republicans have invited all of the GOP presidential candidates to Oklahoma. Former candidate Herman Cain came to Oklahoma City in early December, just days after he suspended his campaign. Rick Santorum brought his charged-up ...
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Gov. Fallin says tax cuts bring national attention
Rating agencies are often courted by state, county and local officials seeking better ratings and thus lower interest costs on long-term debt financed through bonds. Oklahoma’s governor and other officials called on various agencies this ...
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
