HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
Somali pirates seized a Saudi oil tanker off Africa's coast Monday. The piracy is rampant because Somalia has no functioning government. It usually works out fine unless housing prices in California collapse and the pirates lose their bonuses.
Saudi Arabia negotiated with pirates who seized a tanker Tuesday. Pirate supply boats delivered food, cocaine and beer to the hijackers on the tanker. They know better than to wait for the Bush administration to rescue black people in the water.
Al-Qaeda's Ayman al-Zawahri called Barack Obama a House Negro Tuesday. That's insulting and also untrue. While it's true that a U.S. president is considered a servant, now that Wall Street's out of business the president is virtually unemployed.
Thanksgiving Day arrives Thursday with holiday travelers enduring more crowded planes due to fewer scheduled flights. It's not all bad. This year Thanksgiving Day gives the families of Minnesota and Alaska the chance to re-count their blessings.
John Edwards was tracked by tabloid reporters Tuesday trying to snatch his DNA to match it with his mistress's baby's. He's wealthy, white, male and Southern. Once the tabloids saw the little polo player on the baby's chest, they released the hounds.
Bill Clinton campaigned Wednesday for Georgia Senate candidate Jim Martin who's in a runoff with a GOP candidate. It's for the filibuster-proof margin. Once the Democrats get 60 Senate votes the Berlin Wall goes back up and we're on the wrong side of it.
Los Angeles wildfires were put out after burning hundreds of homes Monday. One was caused by students building a bonfire on a hot dry windy night. Budget cutbacks in Calfornia forced schools to drop the class which taught the sense God gave a goose.
Mexico City's mayor declared Monday the city will give free Viagra pills to men over 70. He said sex is vital to happiness. The Vatican declared an emergency and sent a disaster relief team to Mexico City to hand out guilt at Red Cross centers.
Nancy Pelosi refused to schedule a lame-duck session Friday to give automakers billions and force them build advance vehicles. She's no fool. Democrats want to be in favor of fuel-efficient cars but they don't want to run for re-election on them.
Alaska's Senator Ted Stevens conceded defeat in his recount Friday. Had he won he would have been expelled, letting Sarah Palin name herself to succeed him in the Senate. There goes the last chance for Neiman-Marcus to salvage a decent fourth quarter.
The Massachusetts town of Attleboro threatened to evict a blind woman from her home Tuesday because she owed one cent on her water bill. It's an old Puritan town. They're upset because the bill was mailed on Friday and should have arrived by Monday.
Former Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle was named Secretary of Health and Human Services Wednesday. Health care reform is a priority in every administration. It's on the to-do list right after energy independence and a Cubs World Series victory.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
The best way to stop pirates
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
Editor, The Transcript A new library on the west side? With hardly any books? With a dumb name above the entry as shown in your rendering? Infoplace? The library bureaucracy must think Norman voters just fell off the turnip truck....
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Show them some love
Oklahoma joins bus drivers and riders throughout the nation in the “Love the Bus” campaign to raise awareness and appreciation for the thousands of school bus drivers and aides who safely transport children to and from school each day....
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Eliminating state taxes places burden on poor
Editor, The Transcript: Your editorial on Feb. 8th that expressed your pleasure that the bill by Jim Wilson that would have removed the sales tax exemptions from newspapers was killed in committee was disconcerting. I can agree that the ...
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Not time to experiment with state taxes
Editor, The Transcript Governor Fallin proposed more cuts to the state income tax in her State of the State speech Feb. 6. This comes on the heels of a House Tax Reform Task Force that also proposed phasing out the state income tax over a ...
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Cuts in mental health short-sighted at best
When state budgets tightened up three legislative sessions ago, mental health and substance abuse treatment appropriations amounted to low-hanging fruit. It was easy for lawmakers to reduce treatment for mental health consumers and ...
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Local investment is better for Norman
Editor, The Transcript Americans from all walks of life and political ideologies are asserting their voice to tell Wall Street “Enough is enough!” Occupy Norman members spoke at the Dec. 13 Norman City Council meeting, urging the city to ...
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Decline in unions harmful to economy
Editor, The Transcript Remember sometimes you get what your ask for? Let’s see, what could that be? I know, destroy those evil unions which are compromised of the middle class....
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Tobacco ban comes as shock
Gov. Mary Fallin’s State of the State contained few surprises. The tobacco ban, however, came as a total shock to many legislators and state agency heads. “It was a surprise,” the governor told state press association members this week at ...
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‘Flavor of the month’
State Republicans have invited all of the GOP presidential candidates to Oklahoma. Former candidate Herman Cain came to Oklahoma City in early December, just days after he suspended his campaign. Rick Santorum brought his charged-up ...
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Gov. Fallin says tax cuts bring national attention
Rating agencies are often courted by state, county and local officials seeking better ratings and thus lower interest costs on long-term debt financed through bonds. Oklahoma’s governor and other officials called on various agencies this ...
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
