HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
The Cotton Bowl hosts the annual game between Oklahoma and Texas Saturday. The oil crowd is on their best behavior. They know if they spend too much money on alcohol and luxury hotels President Bush will seize college football and sell it to Citigroup.
Barack Obama was confronted on the campaign trail Wednesday over controversial associations in Chicago. It could cost him the presidency. If he manages to blow a six-point lead this close to the finish line he could replace Ernie Banks as Mr. Cub.
Dallas Cowboys players were found to have been fraudulently registered as Nevada voters by a liberal group Tuesday. They were just taking names from the sports pages. If they wanted to get away with everything they should have stolen the names from the business section.
Sarah Palin's family tree showed Tuesday she's Franklin Roosevelt's and Princess Diana's ninth cousin. It's a grim sign for John McCain. Sarah Palin is genetically pre-disposed to steal the spotlight and to be the president during a great depression.
Joe Biden said Sarah Palin's tactic of bringing up Barack Obama's past links to the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Chicago crook Tony Rezko and '60s radical bomber Bill Ayers is mildly dangerous. He was afraid to criticize her too harshly. Joe Biden is such an ineffective attack dog that Michael Vick would have donated him to a children's shelter.
The London Stock Exchange chaplain wrote a blog post Monday saying gays should have warnings tattooed on their backsides and chins. Don't be angry at him. He was just trying to think of some way to use up all the black ink the stock market is not using.
Wall Streeters looked worn after the Dow Jones dropped 1,000 points in five trading days. The most popular investment seminars are hosted by Hollywood stunt men. Everybody wants to learn how to jump off a speeding train without getting killed.
AIG executives vacationed at a luxury spa in Southern California after they were bailed out last week. They spent their bailout on manicures, bar tabs, back rubs and greens fees. You want to be tanned, rested and ready when the guillotine rolls up.
The Federal Reserve cut a key interest rate to a point and a half Wednesday. Now it's even easier for people to go into debt. So many homeowners in Los Angeles are digging a hole for themselves, it's cut the cost of subway construction by two-thirds.
Cook County sheriffs in Chicago suspended evictions of homeowners who were delinquent in their mortgage payments Wednesday. For weeks, men in uniform have been chasing people off the land they thought was theirs. We could have celebrated Columbus Day with a mattress sale but the Bush Administration wanted to go with a re-enactment.
Barack Obama admitted in Men's Health magazine that he still occasionally smokes cigarettes. It's just politics. In order to carry the tobacco states he admits he is still a smoker, and in order to carry California he's going to get breast implants.
Vladimir Putin released a video called "Let's Learn Judo with Vladimir Putin." It's a martial arts tape. He teaches Russian judo students how to punch, kick and knock down your opponent and if that doesn't work, poison his Gatorade after the match.
John McCain had to stand onstage next to Sarah Palin in Pennsylvania Wednesday as she brought down the house, line after line, while introducing him. Every comedian sympathized with McCain. We've all had to follow Gallagher at one time in our careers.
Comedian and Transcript columnist Argus Hamilton will perform "A Night of Comedy" 7 p.m. Oct. 17 at the Kerr McGee Courtside Club at the Lloyd Noble Center to benefit the Norman Addiction Information and Counseling (NAIC). Limited seating is available. Call 321-0022 to purchase tickets.
Opinion
Oil crowd better behave
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Outhouse enthusiast’s hobby more than a relief
Editor’s note: This previously-published column has been a reader favorite and is one of the most requested columns....
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Homosexuals must convince themselves, God
Editor, The Transcript: I am not one of those in favor of same-sex anything. According to the Bible, homesexuality is a sin. Now maybe there is a new Bible out there — the homosexual Bible. I will check at Barnes & Noble....
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Occupy movement built on principle
Editor, The Transcript: We the People Stand Tall! Bruce Kessler ends his letter to the editor “We the people must stand up — 8 May, 2012,” with a strong message: We the people — the very words that begin our Constitution — must work ...
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Parents proud of two schools’ rankings
Editor, The Transcript: Norman parents are justifiably proud that U.S. News and World Report recently ranked Norman High School as No. 6 in our state and No. 862 in the nation and Norman North as No. 9 in the state and 1,096 in the nation ...
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Reducing state rates would be of minor help
Editor, The Transcript: A Transcript editorial (May 22), in discussing the proposed reduction in income tax rates in HB 3061, states that the “trigger” mechanism is a good thing, citing the rate cut from 5.5 to 5.25 because of the 4 ...
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Sykes trying to secure seat
Editor, The Transcript: By the time this reaches you, the issues surrounding HB 2440 may have been laid to rest. Based on your article of this date, let me make these observations....
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Fallin proposes a flawed tax-cut plan
There was some relief in the tax-cut proposal negotiated with Gov. Mary Fallin and Republican legislative leaders, but it still calls for some difficult reductions to some necessary services....
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Corporate deception rules
Editor, The Transcript: Jamie Dimon, JP Morgan Chase’s chief executive, said he does not know how the bank lost $3 billion (originally estimated at $2 billion) in a trading scheme. He called the trades “sloppy” and “stupid” but could not ...
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What features create a cultural center?
The question has been raised whether an aquatic center somehow constitutes a cultural center. Although the more thorough response would be to ask, in turn, what features create a cultural center, this short treatise will simply focus on ...
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Keep the capitol gun-free
Attorneys working for the state AG’s office are now able to carry handguns in their duties representing state agencies. They won’t need a concealed weapon permit. It’s the same as laws allowing U.S. attorneys, district attorneys and their ...
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Outhouse enthusiast’s hobby more than a relief
