HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
NASA reported on Friday the Phoenix Lander exploring Mars found what analysts believe is ice. Scientists were guarded. We don't know if there's actually life on Mars because the presence of ice doesn't by itself guarantee the presence of cocktails.
Safeway begin restocking its produce shelves with tomatoes Thursday despite the threat of salmonella poisoning. It's a humanitarian gesture. They know customers are suffering from high gasoline prices and they wanted to offer them an easy way out.
Tiger Woods decided Tuesday to sit out the PGA Tour season this year following his U.S. Open win. He had a broken left leg and a torn up left knee and he won the U.S. Open. It's the most incredible feat on one leg since Heather Mills attracted Paul McCartney.
President Bush called for offshore drilling Tuesday as polls showed widespread support for the idea and trust in its safety. Not one drop of oil spilled in the Gulf during Hurricane Katrina. That's because the Republicans prioritized the rescues.
Belgium released a study Tuesday proving men make bad judgments about alcohol and money whenever they see a woman in a bikini. It could be worse. Seeing women covered from head to toe causes men to fly planes into buildings, so take your choice.
John McCain slammed Barack Obama in Canada on Friday for having a naive Middle East policy. The Arizona senator has his own plan to bring the troops home. When he annexes Iraq as our 51st state, technically speaking the troops will be home.
Mississippi River flood levees broke in Iowa on Thursday. The flooding reduced pressure on the river and saved New Orleans. After 140 years of Reconstruction it's about time Union states picked up their share of the clean-up tab.
The Supreme Court made it easier Thursday for older workers to claim they have been discriminated against due to their age. Reaction was swift. The Republican National Committee just announced it will sue anybody who doesn't vote for John McCain.
Mayor Mike Bloomberg gave a speech to elderly Jewish voters in Florida Friday assuring them Barack Obama is not a Muslim. Obama can win these people over. All he needs is Alan King's old act and they'll be putty in his hands in 15 minutes.
Barack Obama's campaign named former U.S. Senator Sam Nunn as a potential running mate on Friday. He fills the bill. In order to keep the defense industry humming it's required that the vice president must either be Dick Cheney or look just like him.
South Africa's former president Nelson Mandela will be honored in Europe this week with a huge celebration on his 90th birthday. He spent 25 years in prison before he served in public office. In America we do it the other way around.
Martha Stewart was denied a visa to enter Great Britain Friday due to her past conviction and imprisonment for lying to the FBI. There's really no need for her to be there. They already have a Queen who knows how to decorate a house like a Protestant.
Congress agreed Friday on a surveillance bill that shields telecom companies from lawsuits for warrantless wiretaps ordered by the White House. The president doesn't eavesdrop nearly as much as he did in the past. Now that his approval rating is down to 25 percent, he doesn't want to hear what people are saying.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
Party on Mars
- Opinion
-
-
Another Library Vote? Good grief!
Editor, The Transcript A new library on the west side? With hardly any books? With a dumb name above the entry as shown in your rendering? Infoplace? The library bureaucracy must think Norman voters just fell off the turnip truck....
-
Show them some love
Oklahoma joins bus drivers and riders throughout the nation in the “Love the Bus” campaign to raise awareness and appreciation for the thousands of school bus drivers and aides who safely transport children to and from school each day....
-
Eliminating state taxes places burden on poor
Editor, The Transcript: Your editorial on Feb. 8th that expressed your pleasure that the bill by Jim Wilson that would have removed the sales tax exemptions from newspapers was killed in committee was disconcerting. I can agree that the ...
-
Not time to experiment with state taxes
Editor, The Transcript Governor Fallin proposed more cuts to the state income tax in her State of the State speech Feb. 6. This comes on the heels of a House Tax Reform Task Force that also proposed phasing out the state income tax over a ...
-
Cuts in mental health short-sighted at best
When state budgets tightened up three legislative sessions ago, mental health and substance abuse treatment appropriations amounted to low-hanging fruit. It was easy for lawmakers to reduce treatment for mental health consumers and ...
-
Local investment is better for Norman
Editor, The Transcript Americans from all walks of life and political ideologies are asserting their voice to tell Wall Street “Enough is enough!” Occupy Norman members spoke at the Dec. 13 Norman City Council meeting, urging the city to ...
-
Decline in unions harmful to economy
Editor, The Transcript Remember sometimes you get what your ask for? Let’s see, what could that be? I know, destroy those evil unions which are compromised of the middle class....
-
Tobacco ban comes as shock
Gov. Mary Fallin’s State of the State contained few surprises. The tobacco ban, however, came as a total shock to many legislators and state agency heads. “It was a surprise,” the governor told state press association members this week at ...
-
‘Flavor of the month’
State Republicans have invited all of the GOP presidential candidates to Oklahoma. Former candidate Herman Cain came to Oklahoma City in early December, just days after he suspended his campaign. Rick Santorum brought his charged-up ...
-
Gov. Fallin says tax cuts bring national attention
Rating agencies are often courted by state, county and local officials seeking better ratings and thus lower interest costs on long-term debt financed through bonds. Oklahoma’s governor and other officials called on various agencies this ...
- More Opinion Headlines
-
Another Library Vote? Good grief!
