HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
Formula One president Max Mosley was videotaped in an orgy with five hookers Monday in London. The girls were dressed like Nazi officers. Eliot Spitzer just offered his superdelegate vote to whichever candidate agrees to name him ambassador to Britain.
Yale published a study Tuesday saying that overweight people are discriminated against. Only Mississippi bans discrimination against fat people. When they widened the school doors 40 years ago most people just assumed they were doing it for race.
The New York Yankees finally held the delayed opening day at Yankee Stadium on Tuesday. The economy is very shaky in the nation's financial capital. The vendors were walking up and down the aisle selling peanuts, popcorn and foreclosed real estate.
Jose Canseco said he can prove Alex Rodriguez did steroids and dared anyone to call him a liar. He is right about everything so far. Jose Canseco is so credible that Al Gore is working night and day to get him to say global warming's a real threat.
GOP presidential candidate John McCain said Tuesday he is beginning to compile a list of possible running mates. He described the process as still being in the embryonic stage. So that's two guys this week who have announced that they are pregnant.
Hillary Clinton called for big changes in the nation's health care system this week. What's wrong with the current system? Even if you don't have insurance you can still see a doctor, as long as you're able to carry a golf bag for 18 holes.
Hillary Clinton admitted she was not fired upon by snipers in Bosnia 10 years ago as she'd claimed. The truth is harrowing enough. A Cessna once crashed into the White House just outside her bedroom window, so the president was never in any danger.
Bill Clinton complained to Democratic superdelegates meeting in San Francisco last week about the way cable news shows fawn over her opponent. Many people have grown tired of the media's adoration of Barack Obama. It's like Easter will never end.
Barack Obama said in an interview Wednesday he's of two minds over whether the U.S. should participate in the Beijing Summer Olympics. Nobody called him out for waffling. Cable news networks reported that Barack Obama is so smart he has two minds.
Barack Obama was asked in Pennsylvania Wednesday if he'll hire Al Gore for his administration. He said he'd consider him for the cabinet or something even higher. Of course, Al Gore would never consider giving up the private sector to be First Lady.
"The Pig Book" was released by Citizens Against Government Waste on Tuesday, exposing pork spending by Congress. Voters are used to it. When most Americans see pictures of the Taj Mahal they just assume that Taj Mahal was Alaska's first senator.
The Russian News Service reported Tuesday that Soviet Union dictator Josef Stalin's longtime oil minister Nikolai Baibakov died in Moscow Monday at the age of ninety-seven. Dick Cheney's going to go to the funeral. He wants to apply for the job.
The Port of Long Beach shut down on Tuesday when a cargo container had writing on it saying it contained anthrax. It was a hoax. It was the most annoying April Fool's joke since President Bush told Americans he doesn't believe in nation-building.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
Mosley had the wrong formula
- Opinion
-
-
Another Library Vote? Good grief!
Editor, The Transcript A new library on the west side? With hardly any books? With a dumb name above the entry as shown in your rendering? Infoplace? The library bureaucracy must think Norman voters just fell off the turnip truck....
-
Show them some love
Oklahoma joins bus drivers and riders throughout the nation in the “Love the Bus” campaign to raise awareness and appreciation for the thousands of school bus drivers and aides who safely transport children to and from school each day....
-
Eliminating state taxes places burden on poor
Editor, The Transcript: Your editorial on Feb. 8th that expressed your pleasure that the bill by Jim Wilson that would have removed the sales tax exemptions from newspapers was killed in committee was disconcerting. I can agree that the ...
-
Not time to experiment with state taxes
Editor, The Transcript Governor Fallin proposed more cuts to the state income tax in her State of the State speech Feb. 6. This comes on the heels of a House Tax Reform Task Force that also proposed phasing out the state income tax over a ...
-
Cuts in mental health short-sighted at best
When state budgets tightened up three legislative sessions ago, mental health and substance abuse treatment appropriations amounted to low-hanging fruit. It was easy for lawmakers to reduce treatment for mental health consumers and ...
-
Local investment is better for Norman
Editor, The Transcript Americans from all walks of life and political ideologies are asserting their voice to tell Wall Street “Enough is enough!” Occupy Norman members spoke at the Dec. 13 Norman City Council meeting, urging the city to ...
-
Decline in unions harmful to economy
Editor, The Transcript Remember sometimes you get what your ask for? Let’s see, what could that be? I know, destroy those evil unions which are compromised of the middle class....
-
Tobacco ban comes as shock
Gov. Mary Fallin’s State of the State contained few surprises. The tobacco ban, however, came as a total shock to many legislators and state agency heads. “It was a surprise,” the governor told state press association members this week at ...
-
‘Flavor of the month’
State Republicans have invited all of the GOP presidential candidates to Oklahoma. Former candidate Herman Cain came to Oklahoma City in early December, just days after he suspended his campaign. Rick Santorum brought his charged-up ...
-
Gov. Fallin says tax cuts bring national attention
Rating agencies are often courted by state, county and local officials seeking better ratings and thus lower interest costs on long-term debt financed through bonds. Oklahoma’s governor and other officials called on various agencies this ...
- More Opinion Headlines
-
Another Library Vote? Good grief!
