Opinion
Cowboy pampers
It is not uncommon to see real cowboys in the communities where cattle are part of the economy. I don't mean posing in the street like gunfighters in Tombstone, or passing out casino fliers on a corner in Las Vegas during rodeo week, but in the middle school parking lot picking up their kids, in the latte drive-up, or at the lumber store. One lady told of seeing two authentic-looking cowboys strolling up the aisle at Safeway. She described them as wearing "dusty jeans, ten gallon hats, and well-worn boots with jangling spurs."
"What could they be buying in here?" she wondered. "Probably beer and tobacco."
Personally, my first thought was Metamucil, Prilosec, or Ben Gay. But our lady of this story made a point to follow these two cowboys through the checkout and saw them leave, "strutting" out the door, carrying under their arms four jumbo-sized boxes of disposable diapers.
I can immediately see the misconceptions she might have had: that these two cowboys each had a toddler at home and were forced under the threat of no supper-no clean socks-no roping practice and enforcement of the three foot rule unless they made the didy run.
However, for the lady's benefit I can think of many more logical reasons they were on a diaper-buying mission. For instance, Huggies are quite handy as blinders on a bad horse when he won't let you swing up. Or for keeping stray mongrels from bothering your good blue heeler female when she's in season, or placing over a bull's nose for the same reason, or to tape on like boxing gloves around the wrists of your daughter's boyfriend before a date.
It could be that these two rustic cowboys were using the nappies for protection in some contact sport to wrap knees, elbows or feet. Maybe they were skinny, pot-bellied, hair stickin' up team ropers who were trying out for the sumo wrestling team? It is also possible they lacked enough natural padding and long hours in the saddle made their seat bones sore. They could be wadding up the diapers and wearing them like their old bareback pad (for the really skinny, it takes two).
There are many, much more logical reasons a cowboy would be buying disposable diapers than the obvious one. As ornamentation, wild rag, hat cover, ear muffs, saddle pad, pillow, hanky, coin purse, saddle bag, bed roll, small Batman cape, blindfold, facemask, moustache protector, and handy wipe in case your horse poops on the carpet.
I, myself, use it in my lunch box to carry my soup. But not like you might think. I just saturate the pamper with chicken noodle. I can wring it out into a cup when I'm ready or just chew on it now and then as a treat.
Um um good, um um good, that's what...
Baxter Black, author, cowboy poet and former large animal veterinarian, lives in Benson, Ariz.
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