OKLAHOMA CITY -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
Wall Street pulled off a stunning 300-point comeback Wednesday after a global market sell-off Monday. Uncertainty permeates the stock exchange. Nobody knows which securities are backed by mortgages and which are backed by Super Bowl bets.
Eli Manning leads the New York Giants into the Super Bowl a year after brother Peyton Manning did it with Indianapolis. It's amazing. Tom Cruise is having to deny rumors that his wife has been impregnated by frozen sperm belonging to Archie Manning.
Shaquille O'Neal released his list of living expenses on Thursday showing that he spent $250,000 on gasoline in the last 12 months. He is so smart. He got out of real estate and into gasoline at exactly the right time.
Phil Mickelson played the Buick Invitational in La Jolla despite his recurring cough. He has the same breathing problems that plague his neighbors in suburban San Diego. Everybody in Rancho de Second Mortgage likes to blame it on the brushfires.
St. Louis University's just-hired basketball coach Rick Majerus told a reporter he's pro-choice, causing a firestorm. It's a Catholic school and administrators feel betrayed. The only reason they took him in is because he looks 12 months pregnant.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama broke into an open brawl Tuesday during South Carolina's debate before a record-size cable audience. History was made. Usually you have to go all the way to Darfur to see a fight this nasty with no white males in it.
Bill Clinton made headlines again Wednesday fending off attacks from all sides on the trail. One campaign is all about health care, one is all about unity, one is all about the working classes, but the voters aren't fooled. It's always about Bill.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama battled over personal qualities Tuesday. They have the same position on health care, the Iraq war, national security and the economy. And that position is, my campaign's historic and you're not going to stop me.
Mike Huckabee courted the evangelical voters Friday ahead of Tuesday's Florida primary. He drew cheers expressing his concern about the amount of sex on television. When will Republicans learn that sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg slammed the White House and Congress Tuesday for the economic stimulus package which he called shortsighted. He declared that the jig's up. A man with that much money shouldn't bait Al Sharpton with language like that.
Mitt Romney said the world can't ignore Iran like it ignored Adolf Hitler. It's a numbers game. He thinks he can lock up the 20 percent of Americans who still support President Bush by showing that he has what it takes to lie us into another war.
Dick Cheney called for Congress to authorize permanent warrantless wiretapping Wednesday. Conservatives are horrified. Just because Dick Cheney isn't cheating on his wife doesn't mean other Republicans want to let Hillary Clinton listen to their calls.
The White House tried to prevent recession on Friday in the wake of Wall Street jitters, the mortgage crash and spreading foreclosures. It's clear what happened. The president offered the devil his soul if he could make Iraq look like a success story.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Opinion
What's backing Wall Street?
- Opinion
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
Editor, The Transcript A new library on the west side? With hardly any books? With a dumb name above the entry as shown in your rendering? Infoplace? The library bureaucracy must think Norman voters just fell off the turnip truck....
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Show them some love
Oklahoma joins bus drivers and riders throughout the nation in the “Love the Bus” campaign to raise awareness and appreciation for the thousands of school bus drivers and aides who safely transport children to and from school each day....
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Eliminating state taxes places burden on poor
Editor, The Transcript: Your editorial on Feb. 8th that expressed your pleasure that the bill by Jim Wilson that would have removed the sales tax exemptions from newspapers was killed in committee was disconcerting. I can agree that the ...
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Not time to experiment with state taxes
Editor, The Transcript Governor Fallin proposed more cuts to the state income tax in her State of the State speech Feb. 6. This comes on the heels of a House Tax Reform Task Force that also proposed phasing out the state income tax over a ...
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Cuts in mental health short-sighted at best
When state budgets tightened up three legislative sessions ago, mental health and substance abuse treatment appropriations amounted to low-hanging fruit. It was easy for lawmakers to reduce treatment for mental health consumers and ...
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Local investment is better for Norman
Editor, The Transcript Americans from all walks of life and political ideologies are asserting their voice to tell Wall Street “Enough is enough!” Occupy Norman members spoke at the Dec. 13 Norman City Council meeting, urging the city to ...
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Decline in unions harmful to economy
Editor, The Transcript Remember sometimes you get what your ask for? Let’s see, what could that be? I know, destroy those evil unions which are compromised of the middle class....
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Tobacco ban comes as shock
Gov. Mary Fallin’s State of the State contained few surprises. The tobacco ban, however, came as a total shock to many legislators and state agency heads. “It was a surprise,” the governor told state press association members this week at ...
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‘Flavor of the month’
State Republicans have invited all of the GOP presidential candidates to Oklahoma. Former candidate Herman Cain came to Oklahoma City in early December, just days after he suspended his campaign. Rick Santorum brought his charged-up ...
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Gov. Fallin says tax cuts bring national attention
Rating agencies are often courted by state, county and local officials seeking better ratings and thus lower interest costs on long-term debt financed through bonds. Oklahoma’s governor and other officials called on various agencies this ...
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Another Library Vote? Good grief!
