The Norman Transcript

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November 22, 2012

My own private chicken ranch

The Norman Transcript

NORMAN — Editor, The Transcript:

At long last, our illustrious city council has passed the eagerly anticipated chicken ordinance. Tears of joy are streaming down my cheeks as I contemplate a bright new future ahead of me, raising chickens in the backyard, killing them in the garage, plucking their precious little feathers from their precious little bodies, butchering them, and preparing scrumptious meals for myself and my loved ones.

Each of my four chickens will lay delicious eggs and later provide oh-so-satisfying breasts and drumsticks and hot wings. Yummy!

I went online to a wonderful Web site to buy the things that I need to start my own little chicken ranch. The Randall Burkey Company provides just about everything that I need. The URL for that Website is www.randallburkey.com.

I was surprised at how little it costs to get into the chicken farming business. Here are some examples: Chicken coop $350; chicken run $230; chicks ~ four baby chicks @ $2, $8; chicken feed 5 pounds $8; chick feeder $11; chick waterer $4; book on raising poultry $20; protection from predators* $80. total start-up cost $711.

These prices do not include a chopping block, hatchet and bucket (to drain the deceased chicken’s blood into). Any old tree stump will do for the actual killing. I could use the family meat cleaver to send the chicken on its way to chicken heaven. My mop bucket, or even a child’s pail, will suffice for receiving the blood from the chicken.

*I’ll definitely need the security system to prevent loss of chicken life from predators such as dogs, feral cats, skunks, raccoons, foxes, weasels, snakes and hawks.

Well, I’m ready to start my new adventure as a chicken rancher. Thank you, Norman City Council!

OSHER BACHRACH

Norman

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