By Anita Creamer
SACRAMENTO, Calif. -- At the statistical intersection where increased life expectancy balances out the divorce rate, there is a surprising new cultural demographic: More Americans are reaching and exceeding the 40th wedding anniversary.
What's keeping more married couples together 'til death do them part? Todd Migliaccio, a Sacramento State associate professor of sociology, is working to figure that out in a series of interviews with area couples married 30 years or longer, or with a surviving spouse.
"We tend to focus on the fact that more people get divorced now," said Migliaccio, 37, who set the demographic bar for his research at 30 years of marriage to include more couples' stories. "But maybe we should focus on the increasing number who stay married longer."
It's a sunnier approach, after all. There's only so much the group most at risk of divorce -- newlyweds married five years or less -- have to share with the world.
On the other hand, couples who have stuck it out through thick and thin might have a few things to teach us.
So far, Migliaccio has interviewed six couples, some of whom he found after posting a request for volunteers at Sacramento's Hart Senior Center. His plan was to videotape them talking about their long and happy marriages as a way to sweeten the dose of reality he provides students in class.
"I have students who, at the end of class tell me, 'I don't want to be married,'" he said. "I tell them, 'This is not about scaring you. It's so you can go into marriage with open eyes.'
"We have certain expectations of marriage and family that often can't be fulfilled," Migliaccio added. "This is about going in with a realistic viewpoint."
Compare that with the pop-culture focus on brides, wedding dresses and ridiculously expensive weddings, which all but ignores the fact that after the wedding comes the marriage.
"I knew I was in love when he went away on vacation with his parents," said Barbara Metzinger, who had been married to her husband, Ernest, for 60 years when he died in the spring of 2007 at the age of 80.
Metzinger is not among Migliaccio's interview subjects, but she should be.
"While he was away on vacation, we both just about died being separated," she said. "It was probably puppy love, but to us it was real. And it grew into a great big love.
"Everybody starts with what they think is true love, but it takes many years of living together for that deep love to take hold," Metzinger said.
