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February 6, 2010

In a world of your own

Surely there is an unwritten law somewhere which confirms that the state of being absentminded only applies to ivory tower professors.

There isn't? Are you sure? Have you Googled it?

If no such law exists, is there a decree from some ancient deity we could incorporate into the plethora of laws man has taken upon himself to write (just in case the Ten Commandments left out something)? No? Why is the universe so uncooperative today?

Let's consider a few experiences of an acquaintance. She is not a professor, but is often preoccupied. Save for an ever watchful guardian angel or a last minute flash of common sense, she would most likely be maimed, mangled or mummified by now. Those near misses (and some painful consequences) are due to her multitasking personality. She has a propensity to perform manual and cerebral tasks at the same time. Not a recommended path of behavior when sharp or other potentially harmful objects are involved.

She admits to often dropping the hot curling iron and grabbing it (by the hot end, of course) because she did not want to break it. What is more important, to save a relatively inexpensive item from potential damage or avoid injuring some body part?

On another occasion, she held a sealed package in her arms and grabbed a box cutter. Yes, the cutter was lurching its way toward her body. Fortunately, the arrival and intervention of her husband avoided a potential trip to the emergency room.

"You're supposed to cut away from your body" he said.

"I know."

"Then why did you keep cutting toward yourself?"

Her response was a sheepish smile.

One of her sons was cutting a slick nylon rope, which resulted in the knife becoming embedded about an inch in his hand (between his thumb and forefinger). In fact, his explanation was similar to his mom's. "It occurred to me that the knife was sharp and could slip, but I did it anyway."

People have found countless ways to undergo weird mishaps, and our family is no exception.

A "doc-in-the-box" opened near our home just in time to welcome our son after he tested how far he could ride his bike on the street with his eyes closed. He managed to travel about a half a block before colliding with a parked car, cutting his chin clear to the bone. In a weird way this was a "good accident" because the outcome could have been worse had the collision been with a moving vehicle.

Over the years, our adventurous boy managed to amass a two-inch thick file in that "doc-in-the-box." Things have not changed much since those halcyon days of his childhood, except for how he now treats his injuries -- with hydrogen peroxide and Super Glue.

The plan was to do a load of laundry and finish reading a book belonging to our son. I scooped up the towels off the bathroom counter and tossed them in the wash. When the washer completed its task, it was time to toss the towels in the dryer, but the washer window and towels were covered with what appeared to be soap suds. So, they were rewashed.

After the second washing, the towels were still covered with those soap suds, which upon closer inspection turned out to be small unidentifiable pellets. When I found a cantaloupe-sized wad of what had been his book as well as the intact plastic film from the book's cover, I realized that the book had been scooped up and washed along with the towels.

After accepting profuse and shamefaced apologies during uncontrollable fits of howling laughter, he bought another copy, handed it to me and said, "Don't wash this one, Mom."

So, is absentmindedness contagious or congenital?

Elizabeth Cowan is a freelance writer and former Norman resident. Her e-mail is elizabeth@elizabethcowan.com.

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