The Norman Transcript

Features

November 27, 2008

The icky factor

Why do some folks choose to become urologists, proctologists, obstetricians, gynecologists, colorectal surgeons or dentists?

At first or maybe even 20th glance, these professions rate high on the icky scale. Icky is a highly technical term meaning yucky, nasty, disgusting and omigawd-did-you-really-touch-that?

If you choose any of the first five, you are making a conscious choice to stare at the least photogenic part of the human anatomy. In other words, you will be staring at and dealing with the behinds of total strangers for the rest of your professional life. And, people will pay you top dollar to do so.

For some, the medical profession is a way to help and heal the sick. For others, the financial benefits are the siren songs which lure them toward their chosen field (which certainly helps compensate for the less alluring aspects of such work).

As you may have guessed, not everyone (no matter how great the monetary benefits may be) is suited for these specialized careers. So, we are back to the question of "Why?"

Does personality play a part? For example, an introvert might be better suited to perform the work than an extrovert. Not unlike a computer geek. In which case, an umbrella label for practitioners of all such medical fields might be "southern hemisphere geeks."

On the other hand, perhaps a warped sense of humor or an inclination toward gallows or dark humor is a prerequisite for such line of work. He or she could count on being the butt of countless rib-nudging quips.

Imagine shopping in the grocery store and meeting your (insert any of the first five above doctors) at the produce counter. He greets you warmly and by name. Although you discussed your condition at length with him, you are still impressed by his memory. Noticing your surprised expression he explains. "I never forget a face because I seldom see that side of my patients."

You may wonder why dentistry is included in this list. Imagine digging around in peoples' mouths all day. Breathing in their bad breath and hoping their teeth do not clamp down on your fingers when you hit a nerve.

Prior to my last visit to the dentist, there were countless forms to fill out, but mercifully it was all done online. One question asked how the patient viewed dentistry. I wrote that it is the most medieval of medical fields. Not only did they read that comment, but then I had to explain my preference for Star Trek-type, non-invasive procedures that did not involve the unnerving sounds of drilling. So they stuck headphones on my ears and filled my ears with the sounds of music instead of jackhammers.

Another field that would not be high on my list of professions is podiatry. Again, the smell factor is the primary reason for nixing this profession. However, one cannot dismiss the ugly element. No matter how lovely your feet may seem to you, knobby human feet are not the most aesthetically pleasing sight to behold.

Optometry seems like a nice profession. It is a clean, civilized profession. And you get to look deep into the patient's eyes and ask, "Is this clear or is this better?"

For folks blessed with a warped sense of humor, the field of pain management is an ideal choice, particularly if my uncle's technique is implemented.

For example, if you complain about having a headache, his solution is swift and effective. "Let me stomp on your toes and you will forget all about your headache."

A decisive and efficient cure without any medical mumbo jumbo or unseemly procedures.

Elizabeth Cowan is a freelance writer and former Norman resident. E-mail her at Elizabeth@elizabethcowan.com.

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