Transcript Staff Writer
Shrouded in myths and cloaked in a veil of secrecy, domestic violence and abuse lie under the surface of our collective skin much like an old wound. Everyday in Oklahoma, thousands experience their own version of Hell, yet few go public about their assaults.
And even fewer seek help.
Law enforcement officials estimate that only one out of every four incidents of domestic violence -- and sexual assault -- is reported in the Oklahoma-Cleveland area. To make matters worse, most hospital emergency rooms are ill prepared for these types of violent acts.
Prosecuting those crimes is even more difficult.
Enter Lydia Marlow.
A native of Pennsylvania, Marlow lays bare the ugly side of these crimes in her 414-page memoir, "Color Me Butterfly." Written in an easy, conversational style, Marlow's book tells the story of four generates of women from her family who have each suffered from abuse and violence.
The book tells the story of their loves, their losses, children and their struggle to find faith, hope and eventually, peace. Along the way these women share themselves with each other and the men they loved -- most of which -- who turn out to be evil, abusive losers.
One passage is particularly haunting.
"Roy sit on the sofa, a pitiful site," Marlow writes, describing her father. "As soon as he saw the bruises and how stiff Mattie walked, he began to cry. "I'm so sorry, Mattie. I didn't mean to do this. You gotta' believe me. Please Mattie.'"
Marlow continues, drawing us into her compelling, violent story: "I don't want nothin' to do with you. I just want you to leave."
A few paragraphs later, we see her mother's strength fail her.
"Roy returned to his mother-in-law's house every day for a week. And, finally, after the cries, pleas and promises, Mattie agreed to return home with him.
"If you ever lay another hand on me, I'm gone for good," she writes.
"Roy nodded and smiled a sigh of relief. Soon his wife and son would be home again."
Now, being an ex-employee of a domestic violence shelter, it was at this point I wanted to scream at the character and tell her to stop. I wanted to buy her a copy of the Dixie Chicks' Goodbye Earl and make her listen to it for months.
I wanted to talk to this person.
And it was also at this point, that I realized this was a well written, important book.
But it's not perfect.
While Marlow goes into incredible depth about how the women of her family managed to survive their abusive relationships and, at the same time, build a family; the men -- especially the abusers -- are never really explained. They seem almost cartoonish -- mean and shallow without any substance.
Seriously, how can you hope to recognize monsters if you don't understand their behavior?
Now, for the record, I realize there is no reason that justifies domestic violence, but I would like to know what motivated these men to turn on their wives. I would like to know why they chose drugs, crime and violence as the course of their life.
I would like to know why they felt they needed so much power over another human being.
It's the answer to these questions that Marlow fails to provide.
She doesn't explore why the women of her family continued to return back home to face more abuse and why their children can't seem to escape the same cycle.
Perhaps that's another book.
Whatever her reason, despite its glaring holes, "Color Me Butterfly" still is a powerful book about a subject that, all too often, goes undisclosed. She has, by writing personally, taken us inside a world that few ever see.
A world where a fist seems stronger than faith.
Normally, I wouldn't buy a book like "Color Me Butterfly"; I would have looked at it as "inspirational" stuff for girls; and moved toward a different shelf.
Yet, now, after reading it, I can honestly say I'm glad I did.
Should she seek it, Lydia Marlow probably a long, prosperous career ahead of her as an author -- and I hope more men read her work.
But, at the same time, I hope she'll take a deeper look into the reasons behind domestic violence and sexual assault.
Because only then, can we truly hope to understand.
"Color Me Butterfly" is published by eL Publishing. It's available at most bookstores and on-line retailers.
