Medical science has not yet found a way to pump fat directly into a human heart, but a baseball team in Illinois is getting pretty close with its latest invention.
It's selling a black Angus cheeseburger. Topped with sharp Cheddar cheese. Garnished with two strips of bacon.
And then placed between two halves of a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut.
The whole sloppy mess is served in a Krispy Kreme paper hat by the Gateway Grizzlies, a minor league team in Sauget, Ill., which is calling it "Baseball's Best Burger."
On a "good" day, team officials say, as many as 500 fans will pay $4.50 to buy one. There is no estimate of how many of them go back to buy a second one.
Admittedly, spectator sports fans do not tend to be in the most health-conscious slice of the American pie. At most ballparks there's usually not a very long line at the tofu stand and the salad vendors don't do a lot of business.
But, even for baseball fans, the numbers on the Grizzly burger are, well, grisly. The calorie count is around the 1,000 mark and it has 45 grams of fat. Although, to be fair, the Krispy Kreme paper hat has hardly any calories. And, if you're watching your weight, you could always skip the mustard and catsup.
Some food historians contend the burger actually is a knock-off of The Luther Burger, named in honor of the late singer, Luther Vandross.
According to a story in Maxim magazine, the first burger on a doughnut was created at a restaurant in Georgia called Mulligan's when the chef ran out of buns.
Food historians are not quite clear about Luther's role in that. But then, food historians also say the first Twinkie was sold in 1933 and this year they're celebrating the product's 75th anniversary, so you just never know.
It may or may not have been invented by the Grizzlies, but the donut burger is the latest in a long line of innovative offerings at the team's stadium, a line food historians can trace all the back to 2004.
That's the year it began serving what it modestly called "Baseball's Best Hot Dog," consisting of a Black Angus wiener topped with two strips of bacon, an ounce of sauteed onions, sauerkraut and Cheddar cheese sauce.
Last year it introduced a "Swiss Brat," bratwurst with a slice of Swiss cheese in the middle and sauerkraut on top. Significantly, the team does not call it "Baseball's Best Swiss Brat," so maybe there is a better Swiss brat being served at some other ballpark.
But the doughnut burger is the one that's earning the publicity. Not to mention the horror of health mongers.
"This is not for the faint of heart," the Grizzlies team doctor admitted to a reporter from the Chicago Sun-Times. "As a treat now and then, maybe it's OK if you don't have known cholesterol problems. If you have known cholesterol problems, this thing is not going to help."
Although I never went to doctor school, I'd have to agree with that.
So if you go to a Grizzlies game and are tempted to order one of those donut burgers, I urge you to make a healthy decision:
Wash it down with a light beer.
D.L. Stewart is a columnist for the Dayton Daily News. He may be contacted at dlstewart@daytondailynews.com.
