HOLLYWOOD -- God bless America, and how's everybody?
The Miss America Pageant is tonight at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas. These contestants are wholesome, conservative, supervised and chaperoned. Guarding the girls at night gives the white tigers something to do besides eat the card counters.
Terry Bradshaw wasn't killed in a car wreck as reported Friday on local news in Shreveport. He was incredibly relieved when he saw the story on television in Mexico, where he was vacationing. He thought heaven had margaritas and television.
Prince Charles arrived in Philadelphia Friday before flying to New York City to accept an award from the Harvard Medical School. It's for his work on the environment. Thanks to his divorce, there is one less gas-guzzling limo on the road.
Reggie Bush, according to federal agents, turned up in old taped conversations discussing gifts and cash with sports agents during his USC days. It's serious. If he turns out to be corrupt enough, he could get four to eight years as governor of Louisiana.
Steve Wynn sued Lloyd's of London Thursday to collect on the Picasso he ruined when he put his elbow through it while showing it to casino guests. He made his point. Ever since the incident, not one masterpiece has tried to walk out on its hotel bill.
Miami Beach hotels last week began charging record-high prices in the run-up to Super Bowl Weekend. It's a one-time opportunity. Until they allow offshore drilling in Florida there won't be enough oilmen to fill up the hotels at these rates.
Al Gore was nominated for an Academy Award on Tuesday for his global warming documentary. His competition includes Jesus Camp. The last time global warming was running against Jesus Camp there was a re-count the Supreme Court had to settle.
President Bush named Zalmay Khalilzad to replace John Bolton as U.N. Ambassador last week. Maybe he can do something there. It galls President Bush every time he goes to New York and finds that building is still being used for peaceful purposes.
President Bush said Friday he is the decision-maker on the Iraq war. He said he listened to opinions and he picked the plan he likes and his decision is final. As soon as the job of Iraqi dictator opened up, he was the first to audition for it.
House Republicans read President Bush the riot act over Iraq on Friday. They forced him to accept benchmarks for progress in Iraq, overseen by Congress. This contradicts the Bush Doctrine, which says failure is not an option, it's an outcome.
Hillary Clinton flew to Iowa Friday to officially begin her campaign for the presidency. It's an uphill battle for her there. Pollsters say she needs to show she can be personable and accessible, not just easy to fool and too quick to forgive.
U.N. nuclear inspector Mohamed ElBaradei announced that Iran is about to install three thousand centrifuges to enrich uranium. He won the Nobel peace prize. They had to get a man of his stature to announce it because no one would believe Dick Cheney.
Homeland Security chief Mike Chertoff was in Berlin Friday pleading with the German government to agree to share data with the U.S. about air passengers aboard international flights. Franklin D. Roosevelt is rolling over in his grave. The Germans think we are being too strict about everybody's papers having to be in order.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. He can be reached for speaking engagements by e-mail at argus@argushamilton.com.
Editorials
Keeping Miss America in line
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War on terrorism isn’t over yet
Weary of a war on terror that has gone on for years, we would like to declare victory and return to normalcy. Last month, a mini-storm erupted when an Obama administration official was said to have told a writer, “The war on terror is ...
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‘Treading water gets us no closer to shore’
Today may be decision day for the Oklahoma House of Representatives. A vote on House Bill 3061, which lowers the state’s income tax rate from 5.25 percent to 4.8 percent, is expected to be voted on in the House....
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Other cost of imprisonment
A decision by the Texas Supreme Court to award more than $2 million to a former inmate who was released from prison after 26 years will empower the dozens of ongoing innocence projects....
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Is it worth $35 million plus to watch dull conventions?
We don’t often find ourselves in agreement with Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn. But his request for the political parties to refund millions of dollars set aside for the political conventions this summer is starting to make sense....
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Enthusiasm for the arts
The handful of annual concerts, festivals and special arts events that make Norman special begin today with the Luncheon on the Grass. It’s a collaboration of OU, the Firehouse, the Jacobson House, the Norman Arts Council and the ...
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More workers now on the job
Unemployment rates have fallen in two thirds of all U.S. states, providing evidence that economic growth is boosting hiring....
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The first ozone alert day
The first Ozone Alert Day of the year was Friday. It fell, coincidentally, with the national Bike to Work Day. CART buses allowed free ridership....
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Ride a bike to work today
Attention all cyclists: Today is the day to dust off that bicycle hanging from the garage rafters, pump up the tires, strap on a helmet and cruise to work. The problem is many of our residents travel to Oklahoma City each morning. Some ...
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Nominee deserves a yes or no vote
Oklahomans who volunteer to serve on state boards donate many hours of service. They often are professionals whose expertise and advice would cost the state thousands of dollars if agencies had to seek such counsel on their own....
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Expect fewer deputies
Residents in the rural parts of Cleveland County have grown accustomed to seeing more sheriff’s cruisers patrol their streets. The increased presence over the past few years has pushed criminals down the road and slowed down cars on ...
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War on terrorism isn’t over yet
